Who needs Triple A?

Hey Y’all! This week in the mail I received a letter from Triple A letting me know my membership was about to expire and that I needed to renew it. That’s one of those things you never really think about until you’re stranded on the side of the road, in the rain, with a flat tire and have no one to help. It was with that in mind that I chose my task for this week. Changing a tire. I originally planned on knocking out the tire and learning to change my oil all in one sitting but as you’ll soon see my plans went slightly awry.

My companion for today’s task was my buddy back from week two, Steve R. Not only is he handy with a shotgun but he is also a mechanic extraordinaire. So naturally he was my first choice to help me cross these two tasks off the list. We decided on a Monday afternoon since Steve was lucky enough to be off of work that day. Since he lives way up around Dade City/San Antonio I took advantage of being in that area to have lunch with my favorite pregnant attorney and law school bestie, Stephanie, since she happens to work close by. Well my day did not start out the way I planned it which really threw me off. Remember week one where I conquered my fear of snakes. That apparently only related to docile, non poisonous pet snakes. I found this out because after heading back to my condo from getting my tan on at the pool I stumbled upon a HUGE snake stretched out across my garage door. The same garage door I needed to open in order to get into my house. As I walked up the driveway to go inside I spotted the deviant snake chilling in the shade by my garage door. I simultaneously dropped by beach bag and uttered a few colorful phrases and retreated to the mailbox pavilion across the street to conduct my snake surveillance. I thought to myself I could just go around to the front door to get inside and it was just about that time that I realized my house keys were sitting on my kitchen counter. So scratch that idea. Now what, I thought to myself. BTW the snake has still not moved. In fact he lifted his snaky little head and looked directly at me. Taunting me, I know! So I call my mom to bring over her set of house keys so I can get on with my day because now I’m running late to meet Stephanie which means I’ll be late to meet Steve. Of course after I call her the darn thing starts slithering away around the corner. I waited until I was sure it wasn’t coming back and darted across the street and into the garage safe and sound but running late. Story of my life. Ha!

Earlier in the week when I talked with Steve about what would constitute proper tire changing/oil changing attire I decided I would bring a change of clothes with me. So I packed a bag with old clothes that I wouldn’t care if they got sweaty and gross. After lunch I start the drive south towards Steve’s place and I start doubting whether or not I remembered to put the bag into the car on my rush to get out the door after being accosted by the snake that morning. I looked into the backseat (don’t worry, I looked while stopped at a traffic light) and sure enough, no extra clothes. This also meant no elastic band to pull my hair back with either. Just peachy. This day just kept getting better. And little did I know it wasn’t through yet because what inevitably happens every afternoon during the Summer in Florida? If you guessed thunderstorms you’d be right.

I roll up to Steve’s in the middle of a rainstorm strong enough for me to get my umbrella out of the car when I get out. This does not phase Steve. For one he has a hat on but he is also a boy so he’s not too concerned with getting his hair wet. After surveying me in my less than tire changing appropriate outfit (a black maxi dress and sandals) Steve decides that this is actually going to work to my benefit. How so? Well, if I were to actually have to change a flat tire on the side of the road I would most assuredly be wearing nice clothes. With my luck it would also be raining. There would probably be snakes too.

It’s still raining when we decide to commence the tire changing lesson but save the oil changing for another day.  I began by pulling stuff out of my trunk while holding an umbrella and trying to not let my dress drag on ground. If I thought I looked ridiculous at that point I was wrong because it was only going to get worse! After emptying the truck and pulling up the mat covering my spare tire it finally stopped raining. Yay! Wrong. What happens in the Summer in Florida after thunderstorms? The most insane, intense humidity you’ve ever felt. Lovely. I would have preferred if it kept raining. At least that would have disguised the gross sweat that was now dripping down my face. Oh well, these were realistic conditions so I tried to embrace it.

Once we had the spare out of the trunk and had laid out the jack and lug nut wrench thing it was time for the real work to begin. We laid the removable cover down on the ground so I could use that to kneel on while changing my back driver’s side tire and limit the damage to my dress. Step one- loosen the lug nuts. Lug nuts are the things that keep the tire latched securely onto the car if you weren’t already aware. What a terrible name. Surely some man came up with that. Who else would give something a name with the word “nuts” in it?! Anyway Steve tells me we do this part first before jacking the car up so that you don’t look like an idiot when the car is off the ground and you try unscrewing the lug nuts only to have the tire spin round and round. Good to know. I’m sure I’ll have plenty of other opportunities to look stupid soon enough so I’m glad I dodged that one. So now I’ve got the lug nuts partially unscrewed and I get to move onto step two and learn how to jack the car up off the ground. Turns out my car, a Ford Taurus, comes equipped with a special notch underneath the car by the tire that is made especially for the jack so we don’t have to blindly search for a good spot to put it. After lots and lots and lots of turning I finally get the jack up high enough that the tire is off the ground. By this time my hair is plastered to my neck and sweat is rolling right off me in an oh not so attractive manner. But wait! I remembered I had a baseball cap in the car. I piled my hair up and underneath the hat to get a little relief from the sauna like atmosphere. Hallelujah! I’m certain this new look I’ve got going on, maxi dress and Atlanta Braves bedazzled ball cap, is not going to inspire a new fashion trend. Steve is wise and does not comment on my new look.

Moving on, now that I’ve got the car up and off the ground I have to take the lug nuts all the way off and put them somewhere safe so they don’t go rolling away. Luckily for me we’re doing this on a concrete driveway instead off the side of the road so there’s really no place for them to roll off to. Step three- take off the tire. Even I can’t mess that part up. Now that we’ve got the “flat” tire off the car it’s time to put the spare on. Matching up the screws on the car to the holes on the spare sounds easy enough but let me just tell you it’s not if you’re not used to it. It takes me a couple of tries with Steve giggling in the background before I manage to stick it on there. So now I grab those pesky lug nuts and screw them on with my fingers so the tire will stay in place. Steve tells me I want to make sure there isn’t a “wiggle room” in between the tire and the car because that’s bad. Since we’re changing a tire on my actual car that I have to drive home in we don’t plan on leaving the spare on and so we take the lug nuts and then tire off so it can go back to it’s home in my trunk. Now I get to try and put the original tire back on the car so I’m able to drive it after our lesson. Honestly I thought I could manage to put the tire back on since I just did it with the spare. WRONG. My original tire is huge, and as it turns out, pretty flippin heavy. After watching me struggle with it for a few minutes Steve gratefully cuts in and puts it back on for me. We get the lug nuts back in place and I get to use the wrench again to screw them back on. Since they need to be on pretty darn tight Steve tells me to step on the wrench handle to get them tighter after I’ve used my hands. Steve, being the insightful man he is, tells me this maneuver will alert any passing male that I have absolutely no clue what I’m doing and should get someone to take pity on me and stop to help. Once I thought I had them on there as tight as they could go, Steve went back behind me and tighten them some more. Guess I’m not as strong as I thought I was! Ha!

It turns out that changing a tire isn’t quite as difficult as I thought it might be. Although that may be because I had an expert telling me what to do instead of having to figure it out myself! I’ll have to save changing the oil for another day but at least I know that if I ever get stranded with a flat tire, I’ll survive!